3 Reasons You Need a Village
While the exact origin of the phrase, “It takes a village,” is largely up for debate; there are few parents who would debate the truth of the phrase. We all do our very best to be super mom and super dad, and we often pride ourselves in our extensive capability to accomplish all of the things and be all of the things for our family and, particularly, our kids. They are OURS, after all. It is this strange, primal combination of the need to be self-reliant and capable, while also marking our territory as “mama bear” or keeping our charges safely held in our proverbial “pouch” like a kangaroo. That whole mentality and way of parenting feels so appropriate and safe and under control. Until life happens. And boy does life happen in all of its own unpredictable and chaotic ways that knock us completely off of our parenting feet. There are so many reasons and ways the village become a necessity when you’re a parent. Just off the top of my head, I can think of a million moments I needed my people to help save the day for my family. Stomach viruses, hospital visits, unexpected schedule conflicts, moments of loss and grief, celebrations for our children, and more all consistently remind me of my mind for community. For all of the moments mentioned, I have had friends and family show up with offers of transportation, babysitting, meals to feed my family, cards, and gifts when they know I’m hurting, and being there for the special moments so that my family knows they are loved. That stuff is life. It can be really easy to choose a mindset that says, “I’ve got this,” “I’m good,” or “The kids need ME, thanks for the offer though.” But we are missing out on one of the most beautiful and purest forms of the body of Christ when we do that.
- We are overextending our humanness, and we will not have anything left when we need it.
2. We are depriving our people of the opportunity to minister to their community. Intimacy and love grow when we show up for each other. We shut down a path to growth and intimacy within our village when we refuse their offers of help and support.
3. We rob our children of the blessing it is to know, and feel, and experience for themselves how much their community has their back. It’s a powerful thing to know that there are other adults in your life who love you and are there for your family when you need them. It also gives our kids a walking, breathing, talking example of what it looks like to be part of a healthy village themselves so that they will grow into compassionate and supportive adults who effectively minister to physical and spiritual needs in their communities.
Recently, my three children made the decision to be baptized. We held a small service in our backyard pool. We invited all the people who have been part of our children’s lives. My husband and I were so blessed to see all the friends and family who showed up to participate in our family’s sacred moment. My kids got to make a life-changing commitment in front of an audience of people who love them and have been in their corner every day. These people made a physical appearance to announce they are still in their corner and will be praying and fighting for them as they grow into men and women. That is the church in a picture: a bunch of people standing around a pool in the hot sun to make sure three kids feel loved. My village showed up. The kids’ village showed up.
At this moment, I am sitting in a bunk room in Guatemala City on my older two children’s’ first missions trip. They signed up to come with their church to bring eye care, love, and prayer to the people of Guatemala. They’ve been excited and worked hard to get here. On the second day of training, my 12-year-old daughter called home and was not doing well. She had a lot of different factors influencing her emotions, but the bottom line was that she needed her mom. I drove to the training camp to spend some time with her and help her cope healthfully so that she could finish the trip. It wasn’t happening. She wasn’t going to make. So, my village showed up. My daughter’s village showed up. Our closest family and friends made offers to help and pray. The ministry leaders allowed space for me to join the trip so that my girl could accomplish this task with her mom as a backup. My youngest son is spending two weeks with family and friends who love him and are working hard to make his time without mom special. My daughter is thriving now on her first international outreach because she can relax with the knowledge that mom is in the background in case she really needs me. She also knows that her village rallied around her to make it possible for me to be here and that they are praying for her and loving her from afar. Our village is investing in her so that she can experience and accomplish the things God has for her. This is the stuff of life that takes us all from the place of surviving to thriving. I can raise my kids on my own, but we are all the better for it if I don’t. I encourage everyone to rely on and support their village. If you don’t have one yet, start building your village by investing in people and being there for people when you see a need. This is a holy and intimate thing to show up for people, and it will draw you to each other.
1 Thessalonians 5:10-11
“He died for us so that, whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with him. Therefore, encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.”
